Are You Making Your Child Fearful?
As parents, we must realize that there is a thin line between being encouraging and authoritative. When we wish the child to exhibit some kind of behavior, we often tend to use negative reinforcement for the same. These sentences though seems to be harmless to say, have a great impact on the psyche of an innocent child and They might restrict the child’s natural growth process and instill a fear of an untoward happening that might actually be false in reality.
Reasons why we should not use fear as a tool:
Carl Pickhardt once said, “The enemies of confidence are fear and discouragement”. According to him, fear in any form, for anything can cripple a child’s confidence to try new or challenging things. It is extremely important for a child to be able to put his curiosity to good use.
“Dependence on being told can keep the child from acting bold”, he says. They start developing false dependencies in their minds which not allow them to express their desires fully in a constructive way or will not help satiate their curiosity about the new things in the world. They might even stop asking questions and doing some actions based on the negative memories of the parents’ reactions that might have left a deep impact on their minds.
The development of every child takes place at his own pace; some learn fast, some slowly, some learn sports first and some learn arts. We must ensure to move at his pace in a way that he is motivated to expand his very persona to the best of his ability. Provide more words of encouragement and appreciation than being critical of his follies. Positive reinforcement is the strongest tool one has to affect impressions of little ones.
What impact does childhood fear have in child’s developmental cycle?
Be authoritative, but not too forceful or strict because when parents are too strict or demanding, the child’s confidence to self-direct can be reduced”. The decision making capabilities are affected. Remember, gradual change is the best change. In most situations, a gradual approach makes it much easier for a child to understand why he is being told to do what is imperative. If we keep applying the scare-tactic then it is very likely that he feels fear while feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. And when you approach a feared situation, your fight or flight response kicks in increasing the levels of stress in the child.
Reasons why we should not use fear as a tool:
Carl Pickhardt once said, “The enemies of confidence are fear and discouragement”. According to him, fear in any form, for anything can cripple a child’s confidence to try new or challenging things. It is extremely important for a child to be able to put his curiosity to good use.
“Dependence on being told can keep the child from acting bold”, he says. They start developing false dependencies in their minds which not allow them to express their desires fully in a constructive way or will not help satiate their curiosity about the new things in the world. They might even stop asking questions and doing some actions based on the negative memories of the parents’ reactions that might have left a deep impact on their minds.
The development of every child takes place at his own pace; some learn fast, some slowly, some learn sports first and some learn arts. We must ensure to move at his pace in a way that he is motivated to expand his very persona to the best of his ability. Provide more words of encouragement and appreciation than being critical of his follies. Positive reinforcement is the strongest tool one has to affect impressions of little ones.
What impact does childhood fear have in child’s developmental cycle?
Be authoritative, but not too forceful or strict because when parents are too strict or demanding, the child’s confidence to self-direct can be reduced”. The decision making capabilities are affected. Remember, gradual change is the best change. In most situations, a gradual approach makes it much easier for a child to understand why he is being told to do what is imperative. If we keep applying the scare-tactic then it is very likely that he feels fear while feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. And when you approach a feared situation, your fight or flight response kicks in increasing the levels of stress in the child.
How it programs the subconscious and effects risk taking and decision making capabilities in future?
Many parents who thought that their child was being “difficult” or defiant by refusing to behave in a certain way is only trying to either get their attention, which is in deficit, or just exploring his way through a new arena or person. The parent must understand what the child is seeking by doing so. We can address the situation well only if we understand what created it. Punishment can never be the solution. It makes an already difficult situation worse. The child is already overwhelmed and needs your support to help get through the anxiety. If you punish the child, the child feels more isolated, which is not the desired result. Rather instilling the right amount of positivity by explaining the real reason of the forbidden behaviour or words is the correct way to go about it. This will reap long lasting benefits by building the correct foundation.
How parents can instil the knowledge about reality rather than fear, so that child learns to safeguard themselves?
The old adage says “Parents are the first teachers and home is the first school”. The trick here is to not find short term solutions to silence an innocent voice that still does not know fully, what is good and what is bad. It might seem feasible to implement in the short term but imagine the harm that is does in the long term and the negative energy it creates inside the child and also on the relationship between the parent and the child.
Patience and persistence are the key here. If we want the child to not do or say something then we must explain the exact correct reasons as to why that kind of behaviour is prohibited and what untoward or unpleasant consequences it might have if not prohibited. Empathy goes a long way. You may not share your child’s thoughts but they are very real to your child and should not be minimized.
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